Hey to all of you out there, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing! I hope you are having an excellent day!
I just have to tell you – Wow – have I just been renewed, re-energized, and pumped!! Let me back up a little and provide you some background info.
Have you ever had one of those times when you do something that you know you shouldn’t do, but temptation just gets the best of you and for a few moments you give in? And oh my, for that few moments, it feels really good? And you’re glad you’re doing it. But…wait a minute…
… what’s that feeling? Uh-oh, guilt! Yikes! You quickly shut the guilt feeling out and continue the feeling good, bad thing. Oh yeah.
…then the guilt jumps up again and takes a bite.
Ouch…that hurt – it took a little of the feel good out of that bad, didn’t it?
But … you quickly shut it out one more time and the feel good flows again. Ah, yes, this is good,
this is ok…
Ouch…guilt bites again! Oooh this time…I really feel it, the guilt, and not just the guilt but also the knowing in my soul that this feel good thing I’m doing, well it really is BAD for me. I shouldn’t be doing this. Yes, I know I shouldn’t, but oh I really like it…I like how it makes me feel.
But, wow, I know I shouldn’t be doing it.
And then…you summon the strength to stop. To walk away. Whoa…thank goodness, I got out of that one!
But then, later, maybe the next day, you begin feeling bad about it, about doing that feel good, bad thing. About allowing yourself to be tempted – maybe yet again. How many times? And then you begin trying to justify it or excuse it, or even try to make it not such a bad thing, in your mind. And then you’re okay for a while.
And then it hits you again – the feeling guilty. Or convicted in your heart that what you did was actually not a good thing, and you feel sorry for doing it. And then the guilt begins to tear you down a little. Makes you begin to doubt yourself. It eats at you. And you feel worse.
Ok – we all know where that is heading, right?
So, yesterday, this is where I was. I allowed myself to be tempted. I quit fighting the temptation and jumped in. Oh yes, maybe I dove in head first with all eagerness to overflow myself completely with it. Who knows what I was thinking. But, oh it was such a feel good, bad thing!! It soothed a spot in me that has been left neglected for too long. Can you relate?
Tell me, why do these so-bad-for-you things have to feel oh-so-good sometimes?
Well…it did feel really good, but only for a very short time. Then the guilt, the conviction set in, in all those stages mentioned above. And today, I felt really bad about it. I hated feeling this way, especially since I always want to have a good connection with God, and don’t want anything to stand between my prayers and Him. And, I don’t need any help feeling down about myself sometimes cause I just have too many imperfections to deal with since God didn’t make me perfect :->
But my guilt – which today I immediately transposed to holy conviction (yes there is a difference between guilt and conviction) – was standing in the way. Because I knew I shouldn’t have done that feel good, bad thing, but I did it anyway. I rebelled. I threw caution to the wind. I turned my head the other way.
Well… I’m here to say “no problem!” That’s right – no problem!
Being a Christian girl, I knew that what I needed to do was to talk to God. Tell Him what I had done (yes, I know He already knows what I did, but I needed to verbalize it to make it real) and that I really was sorry. That I wanted to feel close to Him again but my feel good, bad thing was standing in the way. That I don’t know why I keep falling into that same thing, but once again, God, please forgive me. I don’t want the ugly stain of that guilt – that feel good, bad thing in my brain any longer. Please God take it from me. Forgive me please, God, once again, so I can move on and not feel ugly any more. So I can feel You with me again. Yes, I know, God, that You never leave me – rather it is I who move away from you when I choose to. Well, I’m back. I’m holding my hand back up for You to grasp once again to lead me. Yes, I know You did not let go – it was I who let go of You. But I’m back! Once again. Holding on. Yay!!!
Your forgiveness washes over me and I am free – again!
And once again, I am in that feel good, GOOD place! Oh hallelujah – thank you, God, that You so willingly and unendingly provide this GOOD thing for me! Without it – I am a mess!
In looking at Scripture today, there is a verse that sums up this prayer perfectly. It is Psalm 51:10 and says:
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.
Yes, I needed my heart cleansed of the guilt and my spirit renewed with forgiveness and perseverance to not fall into that temptation again.
And I got it. Fully and Beautifully!
So, my hope and prayer for you today is this: if anything is bothering you, if you are wandering around, wallowing, or floundering about in the guilt of a feel good, bad thing – one or many things – then I invite you to turn that guilt into holy conviction – no condemnation, just the knowing it was wrong – and lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, who loves you to distraction, and whisper the Scriptured prayer, Psalm 51:10 – Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.
And let go of the guilt.
And be beautiful!
Have a beautiful and lovely day, evening or night. God bless you all,